(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

 More thoughts from my mentee Chelsea!
Chelsea says…
My mentor is a friend, like a girlfriend, but she’s not my age, so she wouldn’t just say, “Oh, that boy’s cute” or, “I’ll do your nails for you.” But she’s still got that personality because she’s still, like, awesome.   She’s like, a girl, and a friend at the same time.   She’s an adult and she has this love for me, and this understanding of being a human, and being a girl, ‘cause she’s gone through a lot of the steps of being a woman already.  She also can just laugh at me because we’re friends, too. I’m extremely important to Paula, and she knows how to show it to me, with   the   kind   of   love   that   a   person   needs   to   give   somebody. She’s never left me.   She’s never hurt me in the way that any of my family or any of my parents ever have.  She’s never lied to me.  She shows me the love and respect that I’ve always wanted from a human being.

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

 Other positive impacts and rewards to the mentee may include:

    •   Having   an   adult   friend   with   wisdom   and   who   is   not   going   to
       judge them
    •   The opportunity to run ideas past a neutral adult
    •   A  positive,    nonjudgmental       adult    to  answer     questions     she
        might have
    •   Help with sorting through challenges of school, boys, peer pres-
      sure and family
    •   Exposure to cultural activities and shared new experiences
    •   Someone to provide the mentee with different options:  interests, 
      culture, practices, careers, religion 
    •   Help with making choices or making decisions
    •   Increased confidence and self-esteem
    •   A reliable supportive system for her

   From my own experience, support can be from one end of the spec-
trum to the other. Chelsea told me I was instrumental in her learning 
to tell time using an analog clock when she was in sixth grade. I also 
supported her when she had to testify in court against a relative. Never
underestimate your time with a child! You never know when what you 
say or what you do as a mentor is going to “stick” and make all the
difference in a young person’s life. Recently Chelsea asked me to re-
visit some information I had given her four years ago about managing 
money. I love discovering that she was listening to me all along—being 
a mentor is so darn cool!

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

Plenty of research shows that growing up in poverty—due to teenage
pregnancy for example—is often repeated over and over by every next 
generation (UNICEF 2001). Could the cycle of poverty be broken if a 
girl  saw  a  different  lifestyle  and  witnessed  the  choices  made  by  her 
mentor? With some support and coaching, could her eyes be opened to 
the possibilities? I think so.  
   Mentors can influence the choices a child or teenager makes about 
nutrition,  alcohol,  drugs,  fitness,  social  skills,  life  skills  and  money 
management—just to name a few. The Big Brothers Big Sisters organi-
zation showed proof that kids who meet regularly with their mentors
are  forty-six  percent  less  likely  to  start  using  illegal  drugs  than  kids 
that don’t have mentors (Tierney 1995). Minority youth who met with 
their   mentors   were   seventy   percent   less   likely   to   start   taking   drugs.
Where  alcohol  use  is  concerned,  the  kids  are  twenty-six  percent  less 
likely to drink when they have a stable mentoring relationship.   Even
more telling is that female minority youth involved in a mentoring rela-
tionship are about fifty percent less likely to drink than girls who were 
not mentored. Just today Chelsea was reflecting on how she now un-
derstands that she doesn’t need alcohol to help her “get comfortable” 
socializing—that alcohol is not a solution. Making responsible choices is a
solution for her.

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

Through the book I provide the mentee (child) perspective whenever possible. Each quote from my mentee Chelsea is in a gray box which begins with ‘Chelsea says…’ 

Chelsea says…

        I   really   think   that   any   girl,   and   any   boy,   could   gain   something   from
       a   relationship   like   ours   because,   I   mean,   Paula’s   not   another   parent.
        Paula’s a friend. She doesn’t play that parental role.   Teenagers always
        need   an   outward   perspective   on   life,   from   an   adult   that   has   been
       through   the   same   stuff,   and   at   the   same   time   cares   about   you.   An
       outside adult is better than a parent telling you, “No, you can’t do this
        because I’m your parent.’” I think everybody needs somebody to look
        up to and gain knowledge from that person.

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

The benefits of mentoring leak out into the mentee’s home life. Sixty 
percent of mentored children experienced improved relationships with 
adults in their lives (Curtis 1999). When Chelsea was stressing about 
how her dad was impatient or unavailable over the years, as a mentor 
I would sometimes suggest that she schedule a father-daughter date or 
a family meeting to discuss what was on her mind.  She had brought 
these ideas to me before, but sometimes forgot about them and I was 
able to remind her of her own good ideas. More often than not, these 
father-daughter  dates  and  family  meetings  worked  to  resolve  what 
was troubling her.  In addition to improved adult relationships, fifty-
six percent of mentored kids have improved relationships with other 
children and fifty-five percent could express how they were feeling on 
any given day (Curtis 1999). Another study (Tierney 1995) showed that 
mentored kids were one-third less likely to hit someone. Trust me on 
this one: how the other kids were treating her and how she was feeling
were huge topics throughout my mentoring relationship with Chelsea.
Mentors have the power to not only reduce the high school dropout
rate one hundred percent—one child at a time—but their impact touch-
es all aspects and relationships of the child’s life. 

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

 It may take a “village” to raise a child, but it also takes a “village” 
or community to educate children and keep them in school. Commu-
nity-based  mentoring  programs  play  a  critical  role  in  reducing  the 
dropout  rate  in  the  schools. A  study  by  Tierney  (1995)  showed  that 
mentored kids are fifty-two percent less likely to skip a day of school, 
and thirty-seven percent less likely to skip a class. Mentored kids are 
also more confident of their performance in schoolwork. Yet another 
study (Jekielele 2002) showed that mentored kids are three times more
likely to be attending college two years after high school graduation.  
 There were many, many times that Chelsea did not want to return 
to school due to bullying, gossiping, teachers that didn’t take the time 
(or have the time) to meet her educational needs (she has a learning
disability), or because she was feeling “stupid” or overwhelmed. As a 
mentor, I listened patiently, reminded her of the things she could do, 
supported her to ask questions, and helped her get comfortable asking 
for help. I applauded her grades, efforts and accomplishments along 
the way and proudly took pictures of her at her high school graduation.

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

Chelsea’s dad expected his kids to go to school every day and Chel-
sea graduated on time in 2008. That isn’t the case for many children. 
According   to  Education   Week  (2010),  every  school  day  7,200  students 
decide they are done going to school. For some reason that only they
know, they can’t handle even one more day of school. In 2010, three 
out of ten students walked away from high school without their diplo-
mas; their grades and/or attendance prevented them from graduating.  
If you consider ethnicity, the statistics are even worse: only about fifty 
percent of African-Americans, Hispanic/Latino and Native American 
students graduate on time.
   When you have under-educated kids who can’t get jobs, you have 
more poverty, more public assistance and more health problems—since 
they can’t afford to see a doctor. It is estimated that the United States 
would  save  seventeen  billion  dollars  (Alliance  for  Excellent  Educa-
tion 2006) in costs related to the uninsured and Medicaid if all the high 
school students graduated. Over the course of a lifetime, the earning 
potential of a young person that doesn’t graduate is $260,000 less than 
a high school graduate (Rouse 2005).

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!
Paula

(Excerpt from: Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls. To be released January 2012)

What about the girls that choose to end a pregnancy rather than be-
come mothers so early in life?  What about the pregnant girls who fear 
the  repercussions  from  their  boyfriends,  parents,  employers  or  soci-
ety? According to UNICEF (2001), about half a million teenagers out of 
the twenty-eight OECD (Organisation for Economic Co-operation and 
Development) nations will seek an abortion and approximately three 
quarters of a million will become teenage mothers.
   Thirty-five  years  ago  there  was  a  stigma  associated  with  teenage 
pregnancy,  especially  in  my  conservative  Catholic  high  school  expe-
rience  where  we  were  taught  abstinence  by  the  nuns.  (Fortunately  I 
had Mr. Platte and he made sure contraception got covered in Biology 
class!)  Today, based on my observations, there seems to be a resigned 

“acceptance” of teenage sexual activity and pregnancy by society, as if 
it’s “just the way it is” and “there’s not much we can do about it.” I can’t 
speak for you, but I’m not convinced that teenagers are somehow better 
equipped to deal with parenting today than we were thirty-five years 
ago. Through my various volunteer activities at school or church I have 
met teenage girls who were sexually active, became pregnant and who 
made the choice to have an abortion. I have talked to grown women 
who chose to have an abortion as teenagers. No matter what your age 
or circumstances, an unwanted pregnancy—let alone an abortion—is a 
traumatic, life-altering experience, especially with little or no support 
system. Mentors can share good information and life experience with 
girls, helping them make better choices well before an unwanted preg-
nancy occurs.  

Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!

Paula

(Excerpt from Ch 1 – Mentor Me! The Complete Guide for Women who want to Mentor Girls)

Girls have an extra set of risks to face when growing up in a society 
that often exploits women through advertising, music, television, mov-
ies and even pay scale. Pregnancy and abortion are two of the biggest
and most frightening risks that they face and where mentors can help.
According to a 2001 UNICEF study of teenage births in the top twen-
ty-eight “rich nations,” the United States has the highest teenage birth 
rate in the entire developed world; 52.1 out of 1,000 girls aged fifteen 
to nineteen give birth to a baby. This is four times higher than the Eu-
ropean  Union.  Yes,  according  to  UNICEF,  this  number  has  dropped 
quite a bit over the last thirty years due to better education, more career 
options for women, contraception and young people making different 
choices, but we still maintain first place!

 Be like Ghandi – be the change you want to see in the world!

Paula